She's Always Entering My Mind

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

~Dr. Seuss

Probably, if not for certain, the most prominent thing in my life right now would be her. Alyssa. 

Love is such a strong word, if you really think about it. Yet, still, it is only a word. Or is it? I often question these things. But to say something verbally like "I'm in love with her." Is that bad? All I know is that love is such a changing thing for me. I use the word a bit more loosely than I would prefer. Yet, as I think about her, I could more easily than I would like use that word with her name in the same sentence, and really consider it the truth. Sure I get that strange tinge in my stomach, but I can't help but think that it isn't bad. Am I too young to be in love? I don't think so, since when was time involved with love? I don't really know. Maybe so, but one thing I am certain, the way I feel about Alyssa isn't just some crush. It's got to be more. 

I think about her all the time; Alyssa. Where to start? Her beautiful green eyes, her radiant flawless smile, her soft sublime hair. Her fair skin that could dazzle you from across a crowded room, and the way if feels, just sends shivers through your body.   Even the way she smells (if that's not creepy enough) just everything about her. Her perfect personality, one that with pinpoint patience and understanding. One that doesn't anger easily, and sticks up for you, even if she knows you are wrong. She can take a horrid moment and make it right, and still make you smile as the tears fall down your face. There's the way she laughs even when I make a horrible joke. Her laugh in general, is enough to make me warm inside.  Even now, as I think of her, I feel I should feel strange writing about her like this, but to not, would be such injustice, because she is perfect. Everything is perfect, everything. I would have never thought it would be possible to be that perfect. 

I guess it would somewhat help if I gave you some background information. I met Alyssa freshmen year of high school. In U.S History class, 3rd period, Mr. Lowery. I can admit, it wasn't exactly love at first sight, I didn't really notice her until about half way through the semester. We started talking, she was amazing, more amazing than I could have ever imagined. She opened up to me, and I opened up with her. Within time, I couldn't help but develop feelings for her. I thought, maybe through my hallucinatory love, that she may feel the same for me. She was rather flirty, yes, and had I not be so oblivious I would have noticed she was with others, nonetheless, I had to pursue things. So, naturally, I put it off. Next thing I knew, she was dating, dating a boy named Tim. Anyway, having never really expressed anything, I couldn't feel anger, only regret. 

Finally, time went on. Alyssa and I remained friends. And then, it happened, Tim and Alyssa split it off. I called it a miracle and decided it was time to try and ask her out. I was horrible with things like that, so I took a bad turn and tried to ask her out via note. God, that was stupid. Anyway, rejection came faster than my heart was beating when she broke it to me. And with that, are friendship was unofficially broken. 

I would like to think that I had no part in the parting of our friendship, but to not claim some responsibility would be wrong. Alyssa found another boyfriend, named Nick. They dated for a good year, year and a half. In which she no longer wanted to talk to me. Sophomore year, was, and I don't doubt, probably will be the worst year of my high school career (once again, for another blog). 

Time rekindles all things, even friendship. And with that, I will tell how we became friends once again. It really started the beginning of summer after sophomore year. I applied for a job at a seafood restaurant (in which I somehow got the job) , Alyssa also managed to get a job there. At first it was awkward, but then, things started up again. Oh was it amazing, to be reunited with her at last. To be with her. There is no other feeling in the world than to be reunited with an old friend. By the start of Junior year we were closer than ever before, sure she was still dating Nick, but it didn't bother me at all. So, going into Junior year, I finally managed to have a social life, one with the two greatest people I have ever met - Alyssa, and Cheyanne (definitely another blog). 

Alyssa broke up with Nick about two months ago, and until recently my feelings have been redeveloping for her. And this time, I think something may be happening. For her as well, of course, I most certainly could be wrong. There I was, only about two weeks ago, contemplating the idea of pursuing things once again, when she gets swooped up by another man; Justin. 

Sometimes I think maybe it was for the better and that it may be a sign that I shouldn't try anything. It would be risky, she is most certainly one of my best friends. But still, there is that nagging picky feeling in my side every time she enters my mind. Which is more often then I would like to admit. So yes, my current predicament. Is her; Alyssa. I just wish I knew what to do. Though right now I'm at a dead end. I just felt I should talk about her. Because, to me, she is perfect.